Mapp Flees St. Croix In Disgust After Finishing Second In Governor’s Race Tuesday
CHARLOTTE AMALIE — Governor Kenneth Mapp has reportedly flown the coup in disgust after finishing second in the governor’s race on Tuesday.
Sources close to Mapp say he is like a jilted lover who can’t believe he is no longer wanted by an adoring Virgin Islands electorate.
Mapp is so depressed over the elections results that he has flown to St. Thomas to quiet his jangled nerves.
“When he gets depressed like this the governor usually gets a hankering for Chinese food, comfort food,” Another source said. “We’ve found that he has a particular fondness for sum yung gai.”
The source said he’s mad about the outcome “and wants the taxpayers to pay as much as possible before he is forced to leave office.”
“He might need to pick up a few things for his various residences at Macy’s in Miami,” the source said. “Extravagant shopping at the taxpayer expense tends to have a relaxing effect on him. He’s going to stick the taxpayers with a huge bill in his last two months in office. He feels he deserves it and that the people didn’t appreciate him enough for his various talents and abilities while he was in office.”
Lt. Governor Osbert Potter announced this morning that government offices on St. Thomas, St. John and St. Croix would be closed “due to inclement weather.”
“Only essential employees must report for duty,” Potter said. “Basically, all government employees can take every day off until our last day in office on January 19, 2019.”
Mapp’s personal attorney Emile Henderson III denied the reports that the governor had gone off-island but had no good answer as to why he had abdicated control of the government to Potter if indeed he was still here.
“The governor of the Virgin Islands is very much in the territory,” Henderson said on Facebook. “He has not gone anywhere. He has been diligently working today as he always has been doing! He has been working with the cabinet and other government officials to address the inclement weather that passed through the territory today.”
But our source contradicted Henderson, saying the proof is that there are no pictures of Mapp here in St. Croix or elsewhere in the territory.
“The only cabinet Mapp worked with today was his liquor cabinet: where he was reaching for more and more bottles of Crucian rum because he is depressed over the election results,” they said. “The real storm happened today after Mapp was good and liquored up but he was careful to appoint Potter acting governor beforehand so he could stay three sheets to the wind all day long.”
Mapp has not been spotted in public since losing in the gubernatorial general election on Tuesday to newcomer Albert Bryan Jr.