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St. Vincent and The Grenadines PM Ralph Gonsalves Says ‘CIA’ Is To Blame For His Sex Scandals

KINGSTOWN — Embattled St. Vincent and the Grenadines Prime Minister Ralph Gonsalves denied that he is a serial rapist and said that the cyber crime bill passed on Friday was meant to crack down on criticisms leveled against his administration.

Gonsalves, 61, has been accused of brutally sexually assaulting at least five women — including a 36-year-old female police officer who was assigned to security duty at his St. Vincent mansion — but none of the cases ever went to trial because the prime minister keeps the national security portfolio that controls the police department.

“It’s not like I’m Bill Cosby,” Gonsalves confided to a close friend. “What have they got me down for? Five rapes total? Bill Cosby is accused of 57! Where’s the justice in that? I am a graduate of Manchester University in London.”

St. Vincent and The Grenadines PM Ralph Gonsalves Says 'CIA' Is To Blame For His Sex Scandals
“What, me worry?” Ralph Gonsalves says he has a clear conscience about his alleged sexual “peccadilloes.”

Human rights watch groups and feminist organizations said the lack of transparency and rule of law in St. Vincent and the Grenadines should cause tourists with a conscience to boycott the island country on moral grounds until Gonsalves goes to trial.

“One of the accusations is from 40 years ago,” the brutish prime minister told a confidant. “What do they want from me? I have been elected with more votes each time since 2001 — I am a hero, statesman and savior of my beloved country.”

But critics say there is a black cloud over St. Vincent and the Grenadines and its closet vicious prime minister which has resulted in low morale in the police force and court system — because apparently one man is above the law in this Caribbean country.

“Ralph is a touchy-feely kind of guy — it’s what makes him such a great politician,” said someone close to Gonsalves. “But because he is willing to reach out to anyone in a friendly way, doesn’t make him a rapist. They call him ‘Huggingson Kissinger’ here because he’ll greet you with a hug and a kiss.”

WikiLeaks said that Gonsalves paid $185,000 to the policewoman who accused him of rape in January 2008 and also gave her a house of her own and incurred the costs of her studying abroad — all in order to drop the charges against him.

“It is clear that what should have been a legal matter to be decided by the courts has become a political football, with opinions on the prime minister’s guilt or innocence depending on one’s party affiliation,” cables from the U.S. government meant to be kept private but exposed by WikiLeaks said.

Once the policewoman came forward, Toronto human rights attorney Margaret Parsons, 48, came forward to say that she too was sexually assaulted by Gonsalves in January of 2003.

“Please, have you seen a picture of this woman?” the prime minister said. “I extended my hand to her as a gesture of welcome and hospitality after plying her with a few high-alcohol-content drinks. She grabbed my prick fair and square! A woman who comes to my mansion late at night and starts drinking has to know that I am not there to review her C.V.”

Gonsalves, who is an attorney by trade, also denied that the cyber crime bill that passed the nation’s Legislature on Friday was designed to squelch reports about the prime minister’s well-known sexual improprieties.

“If the press would simply print the unvarnished truth, then there would have been no reason for the bill to be created,” he said. “But since the press wants to deal in lies and innuendo we needed it so that unscrupulous writers and news organizations could be tempered by the long arm of the St. Vincent and Grenadines legal system when they fail to publish what we say is proper and appropriate … within stringent guidelines of course.”

For his part, Gonsalves says the controversy has been manufactured by the CIA to embarrass him and his administration because of never-proven links between him and Marxism-Communism.

“Yes, my family is of Portuguese descent and yes the Portuguese were the first black slavers in the Caribbean region,” Gonsalves told a close friend. “But my parents were indentured servants when we came to this great nation of St. Vincent and the Grenadines. Our nation has a 96 percent literacy rate — one of the highest in the region. People — especially the meddling press — need to just bugger off and leave my private life to my authorized biographers.”


BULLY FOR YOU RALPH GONSALVES: Just give me a reason to clap YOU in jail!

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