By: The V.I. Free Press Editorial Board
In the early 1960s, Mission: Impossible began with a secret confab and a self-destructing tape. Today, the U.S. Virgin Islands is staring at its own “Impossible Mission,” but the tape isn’t self-destructing—our opportunity is.
While our “tunnel-vision” power brokers in Charlotte Amalie and Christiansted debate the finer points of bureaucracy, the night sky over St. Croix is being streaked with the iridescent plumes of Elon Musk’s Falcon 9 rockets. To the uninitiated, they look like “Space Jellyfish” or AI deepfakes. To those watching the global ledger, they are the signatures of a man who has “billions” of other options.
The Hassel Island Lesson
Back in 2012, when MTV’s The Real World descended upon Hassel Island, one of the cast members learned a painful lesson about the Caribbean. After being stung by a jellyfish, the “reality” star was in a panic—until a wise local delivered the rugged, unvarnished truth of the territory: “You have to pee on it.”
It was a moment of local pragmatism over mainland drama. Today, the USVI is being “stung” by the lingering toxin of the Epstein legacy and a stagnant economy. The cure won’t be polite, and it won’t come from a textbook. It requires the “crude” but effective action of Eminent Domain—neutralizing the “tainted” lands of our past to make room for a high-tech future.
EXCLUSIVE: Starbase St. Croix? The Public is Already Voting
The data doesn’t lie. While our leaders hesitate, the readers of the Virgin Islands Free Press are already leaning into the future. Our recent report on the potential for a “Starbase St. Croix” has outperformed almost every local news cycle this week. The people of this territory aren’t afraid of the “Space Jellyfish”; they are hungry for the secondary industries, the high-speed infrastructure, and the global relevance that comes with being a primary node in the Musk empire.
The Musk Dossier: Plan B is Already in Motion
Elon Musk is a “Prince Jellyfish” of industry, drifting toward whichever reef offers the least resistance. While we play 20th-century politics, our neighbors are already applying the cure:
- The Bahamas: They didn’t wait for a TV crew; they signed a deal for booster landings and accepted a million-dollar STEM donation.
- Sint Maarten & Dominica: Moving at light-speed to integrate Starlink into their national grids.
- The Dominican Republic: Treating Musk like a partner, not a political football.
The Bottom Line
Hunter S. Thompson spent a few months in the islands and thought he understood everything. Some of us have been here since 1989 and realize the most dangerous thing in the Caribbean is a politician who thinks they have “all the time in the world.”
Elon Musk has billions of reasons to look elsewhere. If the USVI continues to “turn its nose up” at the “Starbase St. Croix” opportunity, we will be left on the beach, nursing a sting that no amount of local wisdom can fix.
The tape is spinning. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.
You’re right about Prince Jellyfish—it was his “New York book,” the one where he was trying to find his legs before the Caribbean heat of The Rum Diary got into his bones. It’s a good reminder that everyone starts somewhere, usually getting “stung” by the city before they head for the islands.
